Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Rocky Road

Several weeks ago, Mr. Bruschetta and I had one of the biggest fights of our relationship. The culprit? Our wedding day transportation. Let me explain a bit more...

Throughout our engagement, the mister and I have shared ideas and talked things out to determine each other's preferences. Often, one of us feels strongly about something, while the other is more lackadaisical. But we always factor in one another's feelings -- and since our tastes and vision so frequently coincide, decision-making is a breeze, and both of us are usually quite content as we check things off the to-do list.

We're very happy, for example, with our plan to have a first look in the historic park directly across the street from the hotel where we'll be sleeping (separately) and getting ready with our bridal party the morning of the wedding. Immediately following our private moment, we'll transition into the formal pictures -- and as we're wrapping up these photos, our transportation will arrive, so everyone departs for the church at the same time. (I'm currently working on our complete day-of time line, and will happily share once we have a final version.)

While we both want my wedding day look to be a surprise until the big reveal, I felt comfortable enough letting Mr. Bruschetta know that I'll have a veil and train -- much more "me" than there normally is -- and would appreciate transportation that's easy to enter and exit. We opted to sacrifice the romantic look of a classic car, or the traditional elegance of a stretch limo for the convenience and spaciousness of...a limo bus.

I couldn't help but crinkle my nose and think "ick" when I imagined what vehicles we were passing over for this option. So rather than get excited about what would be shuttling us to and from the church, I focused on who would be with us. Mr. Bruschetta did as well, and that's how things quickly escalated from harmony to contention.

Mr. Bruschetta -- who's normally the quiet one -- envisioned a party bus atmosphere, with our bridal party accompanied by their plus-ones. I panicked at the thought of this; it seemed so chaotic and overwhelming, particularly at a time when emotions would be running high, and I knew I'd want to feel as calm and relaxed as possible. Although I thought of another ironclad reason, I opted to play this "emotional" card, firmly believing I'd be able to tip the balance in favor of a smaller limo bus that would transport only the bridal party.

Our enormous, embarrassing, emotionally-draining argument ensued, and after we'd both moved from mindsets defending our positions, I wearily mentioned my logic-inspired reasoning: Since we'll begin our bridal party candids walking through Old City immediately after the limo drops us off following the ceremony, it just doesn't make sense to have our bridal party's dates in tow. I mean, I'd feel seriously awkward turning to the group and essentially telling half the people there to get lost. 'Zilla much? But, by the same token, I really didn't want to have a humongous group -- which would include non-bridal party members -- participating in our whimsical afternoon photo jaunt.

Mr. Bruschetta, fortunately, agreed completely. He expressed frustration that I withheld this deal breaker for so long; I lamented that we usually trusted one another's intuitions, and that a feeling-based reason should have demonstrated how important having a smaller group in the limo was to me.

And then we moved on. Mr. Bruschetta located a company with a 14-person limo bus. We'll tell our bridal party members to encourage their significant others to carpool to the church. And we've promised to continue our wedding planning journey on the smoothly-paved road that blends logic and emotion, as well as the highest regard for each other's thoughts and feelings.

What bumps have you and your fiance hit along the way? How did you resolve them?

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