Maiden Voyage?

Pretend you're me for a minute.

For the past 26 years, you've heard your full name (first, middle and last) pronounced correctly only about 25 percent of the time -- and spelled properly even less frequently than that! Childhood teasing has given way to puzzled looks from adults when you insist that, despite the Scottish surname, you're more Italian than anything else.

I sound like the perfect candidate for a name change, right? But I'm not gonna do it. I've quipped that my walk down the aisle isn't some "maiden voyage," at the end of which I'm stripped of the identity I finally feel fits me. The mister supports my decision completely, but I've definitely met my fair share of raised eyebrows -- even confusion with a tinge of anger -- from people who don't understand my reasoning. So here's some more background...

When I was a child, I greatly disliked my name. I lamented the unique moniker my parents had chosen for me, and vowed to select much more mainstream ones for my kids. As I approached my 18th birthday, my parents suggested I consider legally changing how its spelled -- to eliminate the pesky silent letter at the end of my first name.

By this time, however, I'd grown accustomed to coping with the challenging trio. When someone asks for my name, I first say the whole thing slowly; then, I follow immediately with "It's spelled..." and pause, so the person inquiring knows it's not a piece of cake. Finally, I go through all three slowly, specifying the capital "K" in the middle of my last name -- because, yes, it's important to me!

I've since also learned the story behind my name. After I was born, my parents continued to debate what would suit me best. They seriously considered "Julia," even writing it in pencil on the blank name card in the hospital nursery. Ultimately, though, Daddy Bruschetta's pick won out -- six letters originating from French, and providing an alliterative effect when paired with my last name. With "Julia" out of the picture, the other name considered for the top spot -- the same letters as Mrs. Meatball's, but pronounced to rhyme with "banana" -- was shunted to the middle.

And then there's the whole feminism thing. My communication major allowed me considerable freedom to fill my semesters with whatever courses tickled my fancy, and I opted for several women's studies classes while working on my undergraduate degree. I felt liberated learning about third-wave feminism, which is essentially "DIY feminism" -- the movement is based on the belief that each woman can set what her definition of feminism is, and how she chooses to integrate into her life.

During these years, Mr. Bruschetta and I were continuing to grow our relationship, acknowledging the love that had blossomed. We realized we'd eventually marry -- but there was never any pressure from him to change my name. He accepted my logic, literally a list of reasons (see above!), including the fact that my surname would "die out" if I changed it. I think since we started dating so young, and have been together for so long, neither of us really seriously considered it important that I take his name.

That attitude, unfortunately, isn't shared by most others. My parents, I was surprised to learn, are really pleased I'll be keeping my last name. (Incidentally, both Mama and Sister Bruschetta changed their names when they married, replacing their given middle names with their maiden names.) But certain members of the mister's family look at my decision as an affront. I'd like to think if I explained the logic behind this choice, they would be accepting and understanding; however, I'm just not sure that would be the case.

So I'm back to my "maiden voyage" idea, fretting I'll spend the rest of my life running into resistance and negative attitudes, and fearing I'll be treated as a pariah who's only partially committed to married life. (Seriously, people? How is it okay to add funky colored shoes to a bridal ensemble, or transition from formal photography to photojournalism, or cohabit before the wedding, or do any number of other non-traditional things, but it's still the expected and accepted standard that I'm supposed to change my name -- or somehow integrate my husband-to-be's to create a new one?) I'm feeling defensive, protecting my choice -- and my name -- with abrasive attitudes of my own, like not looking forward to receiving mail mistakenly addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. His Last."

After the wedding, I'll happily answer virtually to Mrs. Bruschetta, since I view my Weddingbee moniker as something the mister and I share -- and our familial connections on the internet grow from this common "identity." In real life, though, I'll continue on with and my given first, middle and last names -- preceded by "Ms." And I'll prepare for my next name-related battle -- convincing the mister that eventual Bruschetta "bites" should legally be First Middle My Last His Last.

Anyone else feel strongly about your name after struggling with it in the past? Will you be keeping or changing it after the wedding?

Shell Shocked

We have a thing for turtles.

It all started when I was 10, and our summer vacation -- to the coastal New Jersey town of Sea Isle City -- coincided with the Diamondback terrapin nesting season. Daddy Bruschetta and I first encountered a turtle wandering through our yard, and after shuttling her to a more private location to lay her eggs, we were hooked. For the remainder of our vacation -- and during our subsequent summers in Sea Isle City -- Daddy Bruschetta's euphoria grew exponentially with each turtle we transported to safety (often stopping cars from crushing the poor things in the middle of the town's busy streets), and he made sure I stayed involved in these endeavors.

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The task at hand was "turtle hunting," a misnomer we coined for our pastime -- seeking out and assisting turtles in distress. After studying their nesting patterns, Daddy Bruschetta and I began an annual grassroots rescue effort. During my first year on turtle "missions," I served as little more than his assistant. He cornered the turtle, he picked it up, he carried it to safety. With time, however, I desired a more active role, and soon, I was eagerly stepping forward to snatch turtles out of harm's way. Today, I'll pick up any diamondback (they're not snappers, after all!).

To onlookers and passers-by, we were dutiful environmentalists; however, in reality, "turtling" was an essential, and extremely enjoyable, part of our yearly vacation which offered a way, albeit unconventional, of giving back.


Several years ago, with family vacations a thing of the past, I drove down to Sea Isle City on a day-trip to interact again with the reptiles and introduce Mr. Bruschetta to turtling. Initially, the mister exhibited the same hesitation towards plucking the terrapins from the street that I had 10 years earlier. Soon, though, he embraced this bizarre summer ritual. And for the past few summers, we've been selecting several isolated days over a period of several weeks for abbreviated missions.

We're a team of three now, and the funny thing is, the dynamic when I'm with both Mr. and Daddy Bruschetta is constantly changing. Sometimes, I feel like it's still father-daughter quality time, as was the case with our first-ever turtle excursions. At other times, though, I feel like the third wheel, eavesdropping on some serious male bonding, as the mister and my father discuss everything from baseball to politics. It's a quintessential part of our summer now, and even with the wedding fast approaching, we found time to make three visits -- in late May, mid June and early July -- to continue our tradition.


(Trust me, there is a wedding connection -- but you'll have to wait for more details in a future post!)

Have you and/or your fiance joined in any of each other's family rituals?

And Call It Macaroni

A grand exit -- following the ceremony, or at the conclusion of the reception -- provides an opportunity for amazing pictures, as well as a chance to have some carefree fun with your guests (and new husband!). And, for me, it's all about what's tossed. So, let's review some of the ideas bees have carried out to great effect.

Mrs. Avocado's guests showered her (and the new hubby -- oh boy, did he get it!) in ecofetti.

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Miss French Bulldog clearly has something in the works, since she wrote about a variety of items guests could toss at one of several points throughout the wedding day.

And Mrs. (!!!) Perfume shared a sneak peek of the freeze-dried rose petals she sought out at the tail-end of her planning.

Clearly, a girl's got options. I thought I'd heard them all -- but then I stumbled across a post by Sara of Ms. Adventures in Italy. I'm sure you realize by now that this little Bruschetta *hearts* Italy big-time. I'd already researched Italian traditions, since I'm hoping to incorporate a few into our wedding. So I was surprised to read something new. In Italy, when the newlyweds exit the church, in addition to confetti, rice and rose petals, guests often toss...pasta. Yup, uncooked noodles -- in a variety of shapes and sizes -- are showered over the bride and groom.

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Despite my love of all things culinary, I have to admit this practice sounds a bit...painful. See the jagged-edged pieces on the ground in the picture above? Broken-up pieces of lasagna -- ouch. But I'm smiling just trying to imagine the complete chaos and festive atmosphere with so much flying through the air in honor of the bride and groom. There's nothing Yankee Doodle about this dandy (::wink wink::) idea (though I wonder if cooked pasta might be less risky).

Did (or will) you have guests shower you and your new spouse at some point on your wedding day? What unique items have you seen used in a grand exit toss?

A Little Night Music

It sounds like a scene from a romantic comedy: A groom-to-be strategically placed beneath the window of his betrothed, singing a love ballad as his affianced looks on. The street below is a spirited block party -- tents and Christmas tree lights create a festive atmosphere -- teeming with people enjoying the entertainment, and savoring a bountiful spread and each other's company.

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This Jersey girl's never witnessed a proper South Philly serenade, but I love the idea of gathering with friends and family for an evening of music and munchies mere days before the wedding. I'm tickled by the thought of Mr. Bruschetta performing a tune specifically selected for me, particularly since it's Italian custom, brought to the city by the immigrant population.

Back in the day, the serenade took place on the eve of the wedding; it's more common nowadays for the party to precede the big day by about a week, so the festivities don't lead to tired, hungover wedding party members. And while their predecessors favored guitars or accordions, today's grooms are more commonly accompanied by a band, DJ or Mummers.

Since Mr. Bruschetta and I participated actively in the choral music scene during high school, it'd be fun -- even if we can't plan and host a fully-fledged serenade -- to somehow feature a love song or two in the wedding festivities.

What regional traditions are you hoping to incorporate into your wedding, or the celebrations leading up to it?